I told Tim a little while ago that I feel like I'm not really a human being. I'm more like Rosey the robot from The Jetsons bustling about doin my programmed duties and then unplugging for a few hours just to resume start-up mode in a few short hours. I mentioned to him in the same lame text message conversation that I missed Carlee and wanted her to come back.
Last Thursday I made a decision...the one Tim and I believe is the best for us. I put in my two week notice at my job. Now, many of you know where I work and maybe some of you reading this know me from work even. I have had more than just a struggle at work in regards to me remaining in good standing there. With Parker's sleep schedule, almost every night is a challenge but when it comes to me only getting 2-3 hrs of sleep at night...it's not even safe for me to be driving 45 minutes into work. If I get 4 hours of sleep, I trudge my butt to work. If it's 2-3 hours of sleep kinda night...I have to call in. Like I said, it's not even safe for me to be driving at that point. I have FMLA but the whole process has been a nightmare.The best way to describe the feeling is like I am a delinquent middle school kid ditching class and the teacher constantly is suspecting me of forging my parents signature excusing me from class. I am not looking for anything above and beyond but I am at least needing understanding and trust from my work. I could go on for pages about examples and how stressful it has been and things they have said to me (yes, even directly from HR) but no sense in dwelling on that. The feeling of turning in my notice has been so relieving. Once next Thursday rolls around, I am taking time to just be at home being Parker's PCA. That pit feeling in my stomach that I am a delinquent or I am at the absolute bottom totem pole in the corporate world with no chance of advancement...gone. People are already asking me questions about it. Will it be a change in our income? Yes. Will it save my sanity? Yes. When it comes to that, I can't continue to ignore my wishes for sanity, sleep, to see my hubby....yearning for Carlee to come back. She's been away for so long now and I really would like her to come back.
The other night to really embrace the concept of starting a new path, I dyed my hair violet purple all over. I wanted something drastic and something expressive...something Carlee would have wanted to do. Carlee would have followed it with an addition to her tattoo sleeve but I am too poor for that. HA! Sally's Beauty Supply stuff for $20.00...that I can do. I searched and watched some good ol' Youtube videos and I just went for it. I absolutely love it. I sent a picture to Tim of the new 'do and that is when I received the text message of "Carlee's coming back...My how I've missed her." He remembered when I told him that and when I read it, I let it all sink in. I cant keep putting Carlee behind Rosey. I need to learn to have my two identities coexist with one another in a balance. Right now...I'm trying to get Carlee back in the equation. I think it's going to take quite a bit of time to actually find the closest thing to a balance but for right now...getting away from corporate cubicle work, getting some sleep, being Parker's PCA, dying my hair drastically and actually seeing my hubby is setting me in the best direction towards that goal.
"Carlee's coming back...My how I've missed her." Me too, Timmy. Me too. She's comin back...
