So I've gotta say...I'm basically running on empty. Both Tim and I are. Right now Parker is averaging about 4 hours tops of sleep on a good night. We have tried everything we can think of to help him get more sleep. His sleep has been erratic for over a year now but in the last few months, it's gotten worse. We have tried melatonin, new bed canopy, memory foam mattress pads, bean bags, deep pressure massage, sleep medication, strict evening and bedtime routines...all with no success. Right now, it's like an alarm clock goes off in him that he is up and ready by 2am. Thing is, he cannot be unsupervised at all for his safety. See, Parker has no real sense of danger so if he is awake, we can't be asleep at all. Plus, my mama-mode engages so when he or my daughter Quinn is awake, mama is awake. Even if I am able to still stay in bed...I'm not asleep. I lay there with my eyes shut but cautiously listening to every little peep and sound. Tim works 2nd shift so when he gets home, I am getting up for work just 2 hrs later. It's hard for any one of us to really get more than about 4 hour of sleep a night. He hasn't napped in over a year either. In a nutshell....it's more than just a challenge. We are on a list to see a sleep specialist but it's over a 9 month waiting period. For something as important as sleep...a 9 month waiting period is just insane. Almost as insane as our nights here at the Brom household. I am doing my best to just keep my head above water but it's not easy. I am a very determined person and when it comes to my kids, everything about myself comes last. I try to make time for myself but right now, it's not an option. I wake up by 2am or so when Parker wakes up, my alarm goes off at 4:30am, start work downtown minneapolis at 6am, off work at 2pm, get home just to kiss Tim goodbye and I begin my second full time mama job. Im not off the clock really at any time. Whenever I get both kiddos to sleep, I pass out just to wake up a few hours later and my next day begins. Honestly, I don't know how I am doing it right now. I think it's just because I am on auto-pilot mama mode. I just do what I need to do and anything else, I don't really have energy for. Needless to say, reality is going to hit me one of these days that I wont be able to keep going like this. But until that day hits me, I'm keepin on keepin on. I never really acknowledged how much sleep effects everything before this last year has happened. Some nights can be challenging to start with because of meltdowns and trying to control and help Pman as much as I can...but when you're doing all of this on no sleep and caring for my 8 month daughter during it all...I dont really disengage from auto-pilot mode. I think it's just the way I need to be right now to make it through.
With all this being said, I have to literally tell myself on my commute to work at 5am that today is a new day and I cannot let the day and night before effect my attitude or outlook towards Pman. After an evening alone with 3 hour scream-fests and meltdowns...it is so difficult not to still feel upset at Parker or the situation the next day or even at the time. Most reasons why Pman has hours of meltdowns is about 80-90% due to him not being able to communicate to me what is upsetting him. It breaks my heart not being able to help him or understand what he wants or needs. But what gets me though is literally talking myself up every day on my commute, auto-pilot engaged, telling myself how today is a new day and it may be different today. Right now, I think that's all I have. I can't get in the mindset of how nothing is ever going to change with his sleep. Yes, I know that just might be the reality but that is not going to help me today...in the here and now. Every evening can be a complete 180 from the previous so I try to stay as positive as I can. I have to.
Auto-pilot mode engaged.
Just wondering if you have tried Clonidine? Nothing else worked for us but that. We used to have the same sleep problem. My son at the time was four and he would just walk out of the house and wander around outside. My husband and I changed our living room around and would sleep by the front door just to get some shut eye. Finally we tried the clonidine and it has worked great for us ever since. We switched once to melatonin but it didn't work so we went back to Clonidine.
ReplyDeleteHi AmandaLynn! We have started the Clonidine almost a month ago and there is not any effect yet. I am still optimistic. It's a big change introducing medication for us to really see how it will always effect him so like I said, Im still really optimistic. We have had to put locks on all of the doors to outside, the garage and our deck too. It's so scary to us too. One night Pman opened the door to under the stair crawl space and was under there. It's nerve-wrecking.
DeleteThat is WONDERFUL that you are finally getting some sleep. I completely understand how much of a relief that is!! I am SO glad that the clonidine is helping. For us, I think time will just have to tell. :) Always throw suggestions my way. I think this is the best way to know what to try...by other mamas. <3